Tuesday, 17 March 2015
Though I may be smiling and having fun in the photos of me on crutches included in this post, I will be honest with you and say that it's far from a true representation of what I'm feeling on the inside!
As many of you know, I run for fun... at least I did until recently. I am now on a 'running ban' until my knee repairs itself after my half marathon :(
This of course has caused the unexpected tragedy, the unpredictable situation that I will now not be able to take part in the London Marathon 2015 (This is not a decision I have taken lightly!!!!) It's fair to say I'm absolutely gutted, but in light of being in my third year and having an incredible amount of work to do; maybe this year wasn't the right timing, maybe just now I need to concentrate on getting my degree before embarking on such challenges that take so much time to prepare for!!
BUT - My glass is not yet half empty!! I'm determined to persevere and not have a bad knee in order to run the London Marathon 2016!! - that's right, I'm able to defer my place!! :D Thank you to those of you who have already donated through my online giving page, this will be carried forward to 2016!
A recent conversation with my housemate at uni made me realise a very bizarre coping mechanism that I've created for myself - Smiling. Even when I'm sad, angry or frustrated, for some unknown and very weird reason I find myself smiling!! - It seems I'm so used to putting on a smiley brave face in-front of people that I think I've forgotten how to show my real emotions and how to actually be sad?! In an attempt to combat this, we watched a very sad film together (My Girl), and I remembered how to cry!!!!! But it wasn't long before I was smiling again... that is why I chose these photographs for this post, they don't reflect truthfully on my feelings of being on crutches whatsoever!
Perhaps this blog has made me too positive, but only on the outside? Or perhaps I've lost all sense of emotion other than smiling? So now I'm trying to work at being more open, not only about positive things but about tough and trialling times too, and maybe my emotions will return with it?
Thankfully I'm now off the crutches and taking it slow so not to damage my knee further but still unable to run is doing horrible things for my mood and stress levels!! Especially a week before D-Day!!