Sunday, 13 September 2015

Doors of Purpose

For a long while after I graduated I was feeling a bit lost, I filled my time with seeing friends, music school and plenty of other things so I didn't have to think about the future because in all honesty - it terrifies me!!!!
I had a load of conversations with friends about this, how I still didn't have anything to do come September, I was waking up each day feeling my life was purpose-less, each day was the same; 'Just another useless day' I would tell myself. I had no job to go to, no tasks that I deemed useful and productive to keep me busy and it was really getting at me!! To top it all off, I was receiving job rejection, after rejection, after rejection. I felt useless and became hopeless!


The rest of this post will link what I've just said to the theme of our church service this morning; 'Open Doors'

A few things came up that got me thinking...

1. What is a doors purpose?
- This reminded me of my blog, because I guess it can depend on how positive a person you as to whether you view a door as something to be opened and to enter through, or something you use to close and shut the world out. In the past I've been guilty of the latter, of using doors, walls, and masks (metaphorically) to shut out the world and keep myself to myself. Through writing this blog I am learning to change that, to start breaking down the wall and taking off the mask to certain people, but I've still got a long way to go!

2. Multiple Doors...
- One point made was that sometimes we're are given multiple 'doors' to choose from, not to confuse us or trick us but to have faith in choosing the one we think is right for us. Recently I had a few too many doors opened to me and found myself in a bit of a pickle of knowing what to do!! How do you choose between unpaid internships, jobs with few hours and little pay, and waiting on something that you think is more appropriate to the 'experience' you need to gain as well as getting an income???
I really struggled with all these doors, which do I close? How?
Celebrations for my first Full Time job!!!
I struggled feeling I was letting close friends down, keeping other offers and retail employment on hold when really in my head they were 'last resort'.

UNTIL... I received a phone call!! A job, paid, working to support and guide young people with special needs through high school! I'll be a Learning Support Assistant and although I've got a
challenging task ahead, I'm excited, I already know I've got a great team to be working with and I'm determined to bring a positive influence and change to these young people's lives!!

So;
sure it's not what I thought I would be doing straight after uni, I was all set for moving out of home, getting somewhere myself and going into the charity sector, doing international development... when I realised, I'm not supposed to have the plan for my life, it's not what I want to do but what I need to do...I have my whole life ahead of me to do International Development, why not gain some valuable experience along the way and see where it takes me!! I'm really excited about this opportunity and spending time with the kids I'll be working with, sure it's not going to be easy but I'm feeling positive about it!!

'Ready or not, here I come!' 

'ttfn